You know how sometimes you think you have trials? ~ A girl I thought cared, and considered to be a close friend turns out was using me all along. I am trying to figure out how to forgive a third and most hurtful offense from her, but at this point I hope she does as I asked and never says another word to me as long as she lives. I know that sounds harsh, but I don't know if I could take it again. ~ The man I loved for years strung me along with flowers, gifts, time with me, time speaking to me, and empty words of love... and then got engaged to someone else... someday I'll write a long book about the scandal of it all :o) ~ Mom told me I can't trust anyone, and I wonder if it is wise or foolish to believe her implicitly. A dear friend is finding life extremely difficult to handle and won't listen to my attempts to ease the burden. ~ The boy I've had a crush on only occasionally knows I exist. These are my problems. These are the things that bother me.
But here's reality... that girl didn't care enough to care when I needed her to. She wasn't ever the true kind of friend, and now I am so blessed to know it. I gave so much of efforts, money, and my heart when she needed somone to care, and some assistance... and I got really stomped on. But I learned a lot about the kind of friend I am, and some red flags to watch out for in the future. Don't let someone be dependent on me alone for so many things. ~ That man I loved is happy with his choices so far, and because of that, I am sincerely happy for him and hope that he continues to feel that way throughout his life. He told me he could not make me happy, and in reflecting on the matter I can see clearly so many ways in which he was right. I know now that I don't want my life to go where he would have taken it, and the details of that life would have crushed my spirit, over time. I am so very grateful he never gave me the chance to say yes to a proposal of marriage. I would have happily accepted it and lived unhappily after realizing my folly. That is one of the outstanding blessings of my life thusfar. ~ I have a very good mother, who loves me and seeks to guide me to the best of her abilities. She has a knack for keeping me out of harm's way. I know she is just as dramatic as I am, and I appreciate that about her. As my mother, she knows me well, and knows how to direct, comfort, and listen. ~ The boy I have a crush on is just that. He is way deep down good. He is handsome and kind, gentle and masculine. But do I even know if we would be good together? No, not at all. We've only really spoken a handful of times. It's ok to admire those traits without having him specifically as my own. A man who is all those things will undoubtedly ask me out, and I will be very pleased to have him.
So I look at my problems, my trials, the things that I think are hard... and then I take a look around. I have been so blessed to be able to see. ~ One friend's wife is struggling against a dangerous health condition that is known to be quickly lethal. He is so positive. He is upbeat, caring, diligent, and hopeful. She is grateful, hopeful, and is quick to pray to a Father in Heaven who answers her humble prayers. ~ One woman has a solitary life without her family and loved ones. She is blind, and stays in her home because of it. She has the same routines every day for years, and yet she is happy. She loves visitors, and is a joy to be around. She tells stories and listens with joy to mine. She sees with eyes that are far better than physical. She senses everything eyes can't see. She is a gem in my life. ~ There is a friend who is tormented constantly by feelings of inadequacy. She thinks that she is not loved because she is not married, and cannot be loved because she hasn't been before. I have been able to see her make discoveries about who she is, and every now and then she sees her great worth. When she does, she knows she can be anything in life that she wants to. ~ I have a wonderful friend who has lived all her life with a medical condition that makes life hard for her in even the most simple tasks. She is so strong. I have never heard a single word of complaint. She has a good and pure heart, she is beautiful, intelligent, confident, accomplished, and the truest kind of friend I've ever seen. I admire her so much for all that she is. ~ Another beautiful friend who has lived with a physical disability all her life. There are few people in the world who are so full of life and vigor as she. She constantly and consistently looks outside herself and brings a smile to the face of all she meets. She has dried many of my tears with her kindness.
There are so many people I know of with trials much bigger than mine. Many people whose trials I only see in their eyes, and many people who have got to have them because they are human, though I have no idea what they are. As for myself, my difficulties change as do the degrees of the weather. I wouldn't wish even my smaller trials on anyone, but when I look around and see the heaps of trials all around me, I wish theirs could be so insignificant as mine seem to be, next to theirs. Instead, I am strengthened by them. I am comforted by them. I glean great joy from being around them. I love them deeply. I also hope that I may give strength, comfort, and joy to them through my love. I have learned that by repaying the love I have seen shown to me in life; by learning to have joy, trust, courage, and optimism; and by always relying on the Perfect Love and Wisdom of my Father in Heaven, I am more happy than all the darkness in the world has the power to cover. There is nothing in this world greater than Love. Nothing more important than Love. Let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that Loveth not, knoweth not God; for God Is Love. 1 John 4:7-8 Thanks for teaching me that one Mom. God Is Love. I always think of those words as interchangeable when I want to know if love is real. But that's a topic for another time.
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