Nov. 2015
Life is interesting isn't it? When I was young, I had a very clear picture of what my life was going to look like. I was going to be married at 16, because that's what Ariel did. She was my Disney Princess. I was going to never have need of a job, because I was going to be a mother. If I were to have a job, I'd be a second grade school teacher, because mine was so amazing. I was sort of sure you could actually live in a castle in the clouds, and if for some reason my prince didn't want that, I'd be living in a home that I designed entirely. My dad used to be a contractor, so I grew up thinking only very poor people lived in homes that weren't custom built. I imagined that I'd have somewhere between 4-6 kids, and that I'd be spending my time with them at museums and theatre productions of all kinds, like my mom did with us. I hadn't thought of a time when that wouldn't be what my life consisted of.Imagine my surprise now that I'm 34 and none of that has happened. Imagine that, now I don't really want any of that! I mean, I'd like to be a mother, but not of so many. I'd like a husband, but it suits me just fine to be as picky as I am, and be single until I find a guy that wants the kind of life I want. Other than that, I'm So relieved my life didn't turn out the way I'd hoped. I don't want any of the rest.
These days I look back, and my hopes and dreams for my life have evolved into something my nine year old self wouldn't have ever conceived of, and I'm so Excited about the opportunities I have available to me. That being said, there are so many, that the problem now is that the world is so big, so full of magical and wonderful adventures, that it's hard to say which direction I'll go! At the moment, I'm seriously debating between moving to Tennessee, France, or an island off the coast of Panama with a group of like minded travelers. Either that, or stay here and date the same guys I've been dating forever, doing the same job I've been doing for 15 years... for a little longer. The life I've been doing is so tiresome to me, so secure, so predictable. I'm not cut out for that.
I used to be on the singles scene in Arizona. I love dancing, and there was plenty of dancing to do. Since I've been in Utah, I've stayed as far from the 'scene' as possible, though I'm always surprised when I go to parties, at how many people I know. Osmosis, I suppose. I prefer to spend my time with the misfits, not the Ken and Barbie's of the world. That does present a problem though because I enjoy dating the Kens. I've learned though that, so often, a beautiful face hides a rotted heart, so it isn't the necessity it once was. That being said, I know some Absolutely golden-hearted men right now who are incredibly beautiful. So maybe. We'll see. I'm not super concerned with men right now anyway. I'm ok being single, and what's more, I'd be ok if I were single forever... being that life is quite easy and delightful without them. To the men reading this, no offense, but it is what it is, and you're welcome to see if you can change my mind. Just don't be clingy, don't be bossy, don't be dramatic. If you have depression it's not going to work out. By and large, if you're from Utah, I'm sorry, but the way you communicate is not like I do, and it causes problems. I've tried. Multiple times. In the nicest way possible, it's a no-go. Unless you were raised elsewhere and transplanted here... that is viable. If you're into sports, that's pretty much only fine if you're also into the theatre (thank you PBJ for showing me guys like you exist).
Like I said though, dating is a super low priority for me right now. As opposed to the fabricated life I once wanted, I no longer want to put down roots. Like ever. I want my family to live in different countries across the globe, and I've got a job that allows me to do that. I want a life that is far from average and normal, and if I get done with life and look back on my white picket fence and comfy retirement, I'll honestly consider my life a failure. I could never settle for that. I'm ok with a few years in one place, and a few years in another, but these days, people don't need to live and die in the same town they were born and raised in. Most guys think girls want stability. Sure, in love, in support, in protection and companionship. This girl wants instability. I want to experience all there is to life... and I can't do that from a picket-fenced yard.
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